This is a tough one. In this regard working with a professional can be extremely useful. Together you can develop and evaluate strategies to help you deal directly with your ghost mother, and handle whatever she throws at you.
Here are some practical suggestions that have worked well for others:
- Initially detach from her emotionally as much as possible, while you focus on healing yourself.
- Try to identify positive qualities, or contributions, no matter how small, that she is able to make.
- Know that the changes you make will change both your perception of your mother, and what you need from her.
- Make decisions about how to deal with her based on how toxic the relationship is, and how emotionally damaging the interactions are.
- Recognize that sometimes it’s more painful to try to maintain a relationship with a ghost mother than it is to let her go.