GHOST MOTHERS

Related Resources

These resources are highly recommended to help you further understand the experience of growing up ghost mothered.

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Articles

Kathryn Rudlin’s article was featured in San Diego Woman Magazine’s 2015 Expert Issue.

Women who grow up poorly mothered often experience lingering distress and haunting issues as a result. When mothers are unable to be nurturing or empathetic, daughters struggle.

Surprisingly, the most effective response is the one that seems the most counterintuitive. What I’ve learned is this: rather than ignore the painful feelings, embrace the truth of what you’ve experienced so it doesn’t continue to haunt you.

I’m often asked: What is the point of exploring this pain, or rehashing something that happened in childhood? The point is that we had to adapt to this difficult situation, in many ways raising ourselves, perhaps bending over backwards to please mom, or rebelling against her requests.

As adults we often don’t recalibrate our thoughts and behavior, perhaps continuing to be an excessive people pleaser or fighting a battle that was lost long ago.

The key to thriving as a ghost daughter is to become empowered by tapping into your courage, strength, and resilience.

In the process of reinventing yourself you find out who you truly are and how to get what you didn’t receive as a child. If you’re ready to thrive from the experience of being raised by a ghost, I offer my personal and professional experience to help you do so, here’s how:

Ghost MothersRead my book: Ghost Mothers: Healing form the Pain of a Mother Who Wasn’t Really There interweaves my story and the stories of others to show what it takes to heal. Available from Amazon.com.

Participate in individual therapy: benefit from my unique, individualized approach that expertly supports and guides your healing.

Utilize online support: www.facebook.com/ghostmothers

The answers you discover will create a sense of strength inside you that will forever change your life.

By Kara-Leah Grant
ElephantJounal.com

I’ve been on the trail of a mystery for the last 10 years trying to figure out why I believed myself to be a strong, independent woman, but would devolve into a needy, insecure, co-dependent, mushy mess when I got into a relationship.

The author unravels the “mystery” as she explores the legacy of her mother’s emotional pain, and reveals how her own responses have impacted loving, and being loved. The result is an empowering description of the many ways the mother-wound shows up in parenting and romantic relationships, until we consciously decide to unravel these “karmic knots.”

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By Wendy Behary, LCSW
www.KidsInTheHouse.com

It’s difficult to successfully navigate childhood with a mother who focuses on getting her needs met, rather than meeting the needs of her children.

Wendy Behary beautifully captures the essence of this struggle in her illuminating, and at times, heartbreaking article. As an expert in narcissism, she knows that our society more easily accepts the reality of a self-absorbed father, than a mother who is unable to love or nurture the children she’s given birth to.

The scenario of a narcissistic mom tends to be seemingly harder to digest. We expect that surely the maternal instinct phenomenon would innately foster tendencies to protect, to unconditionally love, nurture, support, and cherish the vulnerable little being born into the woman’s life, no? And yet such a seemingly sensible hypothesis is, sadly, not the case for all who enlist the role of “mom”.

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By Dr. Karyl McBride
www.PsychologyToday.com

Are you carrying the emotional burden of a dysfunctional family?

This article expertly explores the legacy of poor parenting that results in children burdened with the belief that they don’t measure up, and never will. Dr. McBride explores how these messages get passed through the generations and what it takes to finally feel good enough, and live your own life.

Have you wondered where your internalized message of “I’m not good enough, comes from? Do you feel you give life your best, work hard, try hard, but still can’t give yourself credit? Are you constantly beating yourself up and thinking that somehow you should be more, do more, be better, and you don’t measure up in your own mind?

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By Anna Almendrala
Senior Healthy Living Editor, Huffington Post

Children of narcissists are rarely in a position to demand that their parents seek help. In fact they may not even realize that their parents were narcissists until they seek professional help for their own struggles… While narcissists come in all varieties and their symptoms vary across a spectrum… there are a few ways for adult children to tell they may have been raised by a narcissist.

Featured in the prestigious Huffington Post, this article interviews experts to define common characteristics experienced by children of narcissists, and the insight that comes in doing so: once you figure this out, a whole lot of other things will start to make sense.

In addition to these helpful insights, the article includes ways to change frustrating patterns developed in childhood as a result of narcissistic parenting.

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Books

Will I Ever Be Good Enoughby Karyl McBride, Ph.D.

The first book for daughters who have suffered the abuse of selfish, self-involved mothers, Will I Ever Be Good Enough? provides the expert assistance you need in order to overcome this debilitating history and reclaim your life. Purchase on Amazon.

Disarming the Narcissistby Wendy Behary, LCSW

You will learn how to move past the narcissist’s defenses using compassionate, empathetic communication. You’ll learn how narcissists view the world, how to navigate their coping styles, and why, oftentimes, it’s sad and lonely being a narcissist. Purchase on Amazon.

Mothers Who Can't Loveby Susan Forward, Ph.D.

Forward, author of the smash #1 bestseller Toxic Parents, offers a powerful look at the devastating impact unloving mothers have on their daughters—and provides clear, effective techniques for overcoming that painful legacy. Purchase on Amazon.

chanelbonfireBy Wendy Lawless

In her stunning memoir, Wendy Lawless tells the often heartbreaking tale of her unconventional upbringing with an unstable alcoholic and suicidal mother—a real-life Holly Golightly turned Mommie Dearest—and the uncommon sense of resilience that allowed her to rise above it all. Purchase on Amazon.

“Ghost mothers are self-absorbed for a variety of reasons; in many ways the narcissistic mother is the epitome of a ghost mother. A mother with this disorder expects her daughter to reflect back what a wonderful person she is. This pathological self-doubt creates a mother who takes from her children and is unable to give in return.”

FROM THE BOOK GHOST MOTHERS