Women who read my book sometimes see their own parenting portrayed in the descriptions. These are often mothers who didn’t realize how much being raised this way had affected them, but now see this illusive generational legacy being passed down. Sometimes this happens when children get older and the relationship doesn’t endure into adulthood. The maternal connection just isn’t there, and neither knows how to make it better.

It takes a considerable amount of courage to see these qualities in yourself and to acknowledge the negative impact on your ability to parent. This knowledge in and of itself is powerful. The situation can only improve by acknowledging this reality, which is why it’s so important to deal with these issues, and to do learn how to be real, honest, and emotionally connected with your child.

There’s no time like the present to work through the pain of what your child didn’t get from you, to take responsibility for what you couldn’t provide, and to work together to create a deeper relationship. The more you heal, the more this relationship will heal. This is what every ghost-mothered child fantasizes will happen with their mother, that one day she’ll acknowledge her limited parenting and take honest, genuine steps to be a more visible presence.