GHOST MOTHERS
Author Interviews
These are my favorite interviews by journalists wanting to know more about Ghost Mothers, the book and the topic. The answers describe the passion that led me to share what it takes to heal from a lack of mothering, and explores my experiences as a writer.
Click here to listen!
Ghost Mothers: Healing From the Pain of a Mother Who Wasn’t Really There is the first book that I’ve published. Over the previous 7 years I’ve published several articles and book reviews on mental health topics, and over 175 articles on the topic of at-risk teens for www.about.com.
When you were published for the first time, which route did you go – mainstream, small press, vanity published, or self-published and why or how did you choose this route?
Ghost Mothers, on the advice of my agent, was self-published with AuthorHouse. Since this book is an initial step in describing the pain of growing up un-mothered I wanted it to come out quickly, and appreciated that I had a significant amount of control over all aspects of the process; I’m pleased with the final result.
How long did it take you to get published once you signed the contract?
In my contract I opted for something this company calls rapid release, and from the time the final edits and formatting were finally submitted completed the book was published within a matter of weeks, the digital download was available about 10 days later.
How did it make you feel to become published for the first time and how did you celebrate?
My feelings upon publication were a mixture of relief, excitement and anticipation as I wondered what others would think of what I’d written. I initially celebrated by going on a dinner date with my husband who hadn’t seen much of me during the book-writing process. Then I made a promise to myself not to write anything for a while, and then I enjoyed throwing out all the paperwork I accumulated during this time.
What was the first thing you did as far as promotion when you were published for the first time?
Initial steps were to establish the foundation I needed to do book promotion, including a professionally designed website describing my book and private practice, and also developing a presence on social media. Next steps were to define the message of my book in order to promote it. Now I’m actively seeking opportunities to present and discuss the issues brought out in Ghost Mothers.
Since you’ve been published, how have you grown as a writer and now a published author?
What I’ve experienced since the publication of my book is difficult to describe… as a therapist I’m now viewed as more of an expert than I was previously, greatly increasing the number of inquiries and referrals. As a writer I now know what it takes to stick with the process of completing a book. As a person, I feel more confident, creative and understood.
What has surprised or amazed you about the publishing industry as a whole?
My perspective is that the publishing industry is in flux, struggling to keep up with the numerous changes taking place in the digital world. The biggest surprises for me were that I could publish a book so quickly, and how much responsibility authors (publishing in any form) have to take in terms of book promotion.
What is the most rewarding thing about being a published author?
Hearing from someone who has been deeply touched by the concepts in my book, knowing that it’s truly made a difference in their life that I’ve written this book.
Any final words for writers who dream of being published one day?
If there is a book inside of you waiting to be written, I encourage you to do so – if the desire is there I think then the ability to do so is there too.
How did you come up with the title of your book?
Initially I had no idea what to call the book that I intended to write. Then I had a dream in which I was chasing a woman who had something I desperately wanted. When I caught up to her she disappeared into an explosion of silky mist. When I woke up, the term ghost mothers was resonating in my head, and I knew that I’d found my title.
What is your writing environment like?
I’m lucky, it’s very nice, a desk with 2 large windows nearby. Sometimes it becomes a disaster area because of all the books and papers that build up – as if I’m not writing on a computer at all!
What is your favorite quote? Why?
One of my favorites quotes is from Ella Fitzgerald: It isn’t where you came from; it’s where you’re going that counts, because it’s full of hope for the future and our ability to decide who we want to become.
How has your upbringing influenced your writing?
I was always encouraged to read, and was read to at a young age. On my father’s side there are several published writers, of detective stories and children’s books.
What inspires you to write?
Writing is inside me, and even though sometimes I try to ignore it, this just isn’t possible for any length of time. When I’m working on a project I’m filled with inspiration, although often not when I’m actually writing… Ideas keep coming to me that demand to be expressed.
What do you consider the most challenging part about writing a novel, or about writing in general?
A significant challenge in writing is finding compelling ways to express what I have to say. This is the first book I’ve written and it took on a life of its own that at times was fun, and other times exasperating.
Did you learn anything while writing this book? If so, what was it?
I learned how simultaneously frustrating and amazing the creative process can be.
What have you done to promote this book?
Initially the prospect of promotion was overwhelming, there were so many directions to take and I had no idea where to start. Setting up a compelling website and defining how to describe what my book is about is where I started. From there the process started coming together on its own through word of mouth, and information I came across without really looking for it.
What are some of the best tools available today for writers?
The resources available on the Internet today about writing, to include the opportunity to get feedback and support from other writers is amazing. My experience suggests it’s best to find a balance between learning the mechanics of writing, gaining experience by doing so, and relying on your intuition to express what’s inside of you.
What inspired you to write your first book?
Having traveled this difficult journey, and then being so fortunate to find ways to thrive from this experience, I wanted to share all that I’ve learned to help bring this problem out of the shadows, to illuminate how much there is to be gained in actively healing from this pain.
What books have influenced your life the most?
Jodi Picoult really impresses me with her ability to write about difficult subjects in compelling ways. Although I usually avoid the horror genre, Dean Koontz has kept me glued to the page with his ability to weave an intriguing tale. And of course Dr. Suess, I think I learned how to read by memorizing Green Eggs and Ham.
What are your current projects?
I’m currently creating a companion workbook that outlines a step-by-step process to successfully work through the 6 Ghost-Busting strategies presented in my book.
If you had to do it all over again, would you change anything in your latest book?
No. I think I obsessed about it so much in repeated editing and revision that I’m very satisfied with the final product.
What has been the toughest criticism given to you as an author?
Interesting question. When I first started writing I was told that it took me a long time to get to the point, and that the information presented needed better organization. My approach has been to try to embrace all the legitimate criticism that I get in order to continue to improve my writing.
What has been the best compliment?
The best compliment I’ve received for my book is hearing that I’ve managed to describe an experience that many have been through, and did not know how to express.
Do you have any advice to give to aspiring writers?
I think writing is a journey, not unlike healing from a ghost mother. It takes patience, courage and the deep desire to follow the process wherever it decides to take you.
What is your favorite quality about yourself?
My passionate desire to constantly learn and grow, and my willingness to take risks.
What is your least favorite quality about yourself?
The tendency to not give myself the credit I deserve.
Is there anything else you would like to share?
In my view, writing an entire book and getting it published is worth all the effort!
What is your favorite quality about yourself?
The quality that insists I constantly learn, grow and change.
What is your favorite quote, by whom, and why?
One of my favorites quotes is from Ella Fitzgerald: It isn’t where you came from; it’s where you’re going that counts, because it’s full of hope for the future and our ability to decide who we want to become.
What are you most proud of accomplishing so far in your life?
Creating a positive, nurturing and supportive relationship with my daughter, who is now 20 years old. I continue to learn so much from her and feel so grateful we’ve managed to create the mother-daughter relationship I’ve always longed for.
How has your upbringing influenced your writing?
I was always encouraged to read, and was read to at a young age. On my father’s side there are several published writers, of detective stories and children’s books.
When and why did you begin writing?
Creative writing was always my favorite class in school, and it was fun for me. As a mental health professional I realized that I was the only one who actually enjoyed writing treatment plans, my colleagues hated doing this but for me it was easy and fun.
How long have you been writing?
I started writing at a very young age. I still have a 2-page “book” that my best friend and I wrote when her dog ran away, and we sold it to our neighbors.
What inspires you to write and why?
I always learn a great deal from the process of writing, and view it as the perfect medium for teaching and inspiring others.
What genre are you most comfortable writing?
Creative non-fiction.
Who or what influenced your writing once you began?
I was very fortunate to be working with a literary agent who was a fantastic book coach. She loved this topic, helped organize and structure the material and kept me writing daily. It wasn’t easy but it worked.
What do you consider the most challenging about writing a novel, or about writing in general?
For me, a significant challenge in writing is finding compelling ways to express what I have to say. This is the first book I’ve written and it took on a life of its own that at times was fun, and other times exasperating.
Have you developed a specific writing style?
When I first started writing I kept hearing the term “voice” and had no idea what this meant. I think over time my voice as a writer has developed as a natural process, partly borne from the passion I bring to the subject matter.
What is your greatest strength as a writer?
Constantly editing and re-writing.
I’ve gained so much in having to navigate growing up with a mentally ill mother, and feel so fortunate in learning that in many ways this is the ultimate growth experience. I felt compelled to share my experience in order to encourage others to embrace rather than resist this unique experience.
At times it was wonderful and the words just flowed from me. Other times I couldn’t seem to write a sentence that flowed the way I wanted it to. I just kept at it and eventually it all came together.
I had no idea what to call the book I wanted to write. Then I had a dream in which I was chasing a woman who had something I desperately wanted. When I caught up to her she disappeared into an explosion of silky mist. When I woke up, the term ghost-mothers was resonating in my head and I knew that I’d found my title.
When did you first consider yourself a writer?
I’ve always expressed myself well through writing, as it helps me organize and conceptualize my thoughts. In terms of being ‘officially’ viewed as a writer, I think this happened when I was hired to write for about. com, and it was amazing to have my work published online almost immediately.
What books do you believe influenced you in your life?
Where do I start? Jodi Picoult really impresses me with her ability to write about difficult subjects in compelling ways. Although I usually avoid the horror genre, Dean Koontz has kept me glued to the page with his ability to weave an intriguing tale. And of course Dr. Suess, I think I learned how to read by memorizing Green Eggs and Ham.
How much influence did you have in the cover of your book? Did you initially have a different idea of how it would look?
I had no idea how to portray the concept of wanting so badly to have a positive relationship with your mother, and getting nowhere. My agent suggested I hire an experienced graphic designer, and the result was a back and forth collaboration between us that produced a cover I’m very proud of.
Typical day? I don’t think so; every day is very different for me. Sometimes I’m writing like a madwoman, other days I am doing therapy, and currently I’m spending lots of time learning how to promote a book.
Reading, yoga, cooking, walking on the beach.
I’m not sure they understand what drives me to do this, but all actively support my need to do so.
What do you think is more important – a good plot, or good characters? Why did you choose the one you did?
My book is a work of non-fiction, and in telling this story I decided it was critically important to do so in an intimate and interesting way so that the reader could relate to and learn from my experience.
